YouTuber Age
by GamerBun91
Summary: Markiplier, JackSepticEye, and PewDiePie have been warped into the Dragon Age World during the Second Inquisition. Buffoonery ensues. M for strong language, violence, irreverent humor, and death.
1. The Beginning of a Ridiculous Adventure

"Uuuughhhhh..." Mark groaned as he got up. "What the fuck is going on...? Jack? Felix?"

"I don't wanna go to school, Mommy..." Felix uttered.

"Jaysus, what a hangover...!" Jack groaned as he rubbed his head. "Did we fucking spill glow sticks on our hands?"

"Where did you three get these marks?" A woman said.

The woman had short auburn hair with a circlet braid in it. On her face were a few scars, perhaps from battle. She was sporting some armor that had an eye engraved on the chestplate.

"Um, I thought there was only one of me..." Mark responded.

"I'm talking about your hands, smartass." The woman responded, becoming impatient.

"Ooooh..." Markiplier said.

"We'd like to know that ourselves." Jack spoke up. "There was some crazy shit, but the details are fucking blurry."

An elven man walked in. He had no hair on his head, and a fatalistic expression on his face.

"I had to prevent those marks from killing you three." He spoke.

"Thanks, bro." Felix said.

"Bro?" The elven man said, raising an eyebrow.

"It's a term we use to regard a male friend." Mark replied. "For women, we use bra."

"Unusual linguistics." The elven man said. "By the way, I am Solas. This woman is Cassandra."

"Hi, everybody, I'm Mark, this is Felix, and Sean, also known as Jack." Mark introduced themselves.

There was a shaking in the dungeons.

"Jaysus!" Jack exclaimed, in an almost shrieking pitch. "Was that a fucking earthquake? I hate those!"

"We're under attack!" Cassandra exclaimed. "Let's move!"

"That's even worse!" Felix screamed.

The three Youtube stooges followed Cassandra out of the keep and ran into some demons. They let out ear-piercing shrieks as they saw the demons before grabbing whatever random weapons they had on hand. Felix grabbed the staff, Jack grabbed a bow and some arrows, and Mark grabbed a sword.

"Taste thy steely death, demon!" Mark shouted as he beheaded one of the demons, eliciting a shriek from him. "Oh my god! This is fucking real!"

"Put the sword down!" Cassandra demanded.

"Okay, okay, lady!" Mark said.

"Wait..." Cassandra said. "You don't need weapons, but I cannot protect you. Maybe it is better that you keep them."

"Well, if you say so, bra." Mark responded.

Mark, Jack, and Felix went with Cassandra, where they saw an ominous green rift glowing in the sky.

"HEY!" Mark screamed. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?"

"That, ahem, 'my bros', is a rift." Solas replied. "Extend the hands bearing the mark towards it."

"Will it hurt?" Felix asked.

"Undoubtedly." Solas replied. "But it is necessary to close the rift."

"Fuck it!" Jack said as he extended his hand.

Mark and Felix did the same, causing the rift to explode and disappear.

"OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!" Mark exclaimed.

"JAYSUS FUCKING HELL!" Jack screamed.

"OW!" Felix yelped. "FUCKING HELL THAT HURT!"

"Congratulations." Solas said, "You just closed your first rift. There are others, but as you use the Anchor, as the marks really are, you should be used to the pain of it."

"Oh boy!" Mark exclaimed. "Do we get a cookie?"

Solas was a bit confused to their personalities. Cassandra groaned.

"Let's go, idiots." Cassandra said, her tone dripping with irritation. "We need to get to Haven before more demons attack us."

"Let's follow the cranky knight lady and chrome dome elf!" Felix said, skipping like a child as he did.

During their journey, the party was attacked by a group of demons, whose ambush was interrupted by a crossbow bolt to the head from a dwarf. The dwarf had ginger blond hair and an abundance of chest hair.

"Sorry, I'm late for the party." The dwarf said, chuckling.

"What are you doing here?" Cassandra questioned.

"Hey, I'm on your side right now...!" The dwarf replied.

"This hairy-chest guy just saved our hides and you wanna get pissy with him?" Felix said.

"Let's just say we never exactly liked each other." The dwarf explained. "I'm Varric, by the way."

"Awesome!" Mark said. "I'm Mark, and these are my buddies Felix and Jack."

"Pleasure to meet you three." Varric said with a sly grin.

They resumed their journey to Haven with few interruptions.


	2. In the Hands of Idiots

"Are we there yet?" Mark groaned. "I gotta use the bathroom."

"Well, ya should've went before we got warped!" Jack bickered.

"I'm hungry...!" Felix complained.

"Will you buffoons shut up...?" Cassandra snapped. "We'll get there when we get there."

"Don't worry, guys." Varric said. "It's not much further."

After their travel, they arrived at Haven, where Markiplier was bobbing up and down with his knees together. He tried to get the attention of a priestess.

"'Scuse me, lady!" Mark groaned. "Where can I find a bathroom...? I need to pee really bad...!"

The priestess pointed to the general direction of a small wooden structure.

"THANK YOU!" Mark said as he made a mad dash towards the outhouse.

He finished relieving himself and washed his hands in an outdoor basin.

"Much better...!" Mark said. "Now I am hungry."

His stomach was making gurgling, angry sounds as he said that. He smelled meat cooking and went to find where it came from. He saw meat being roasted on an open fire.

"Mmmmm..." Mark said, grinning. "Meat, the tasty treat that can't be beat...!"

"Who are you?" A man asked as he was rotating the spit.

"Hi, my friends and I were brought here when the hold we woke up in got destroyed and we travelled a looooong ways to find new shelter." Mark explained to the man who was cooking.

"Sounds like you're hungry, lad." The man said. "The meat should be done now, I'll give you some with bread."

"Oh, thank you..." Jack said.

"Can't let anyone go hungry." The man said. "It's not right."

Mark tore into his meal with great zeal, shuddering in delight as he sank his teeth into the roasted flesh.

"Oooooh, that is much better...!" Mark said, feeling relief as he finished his meal.

"I take it you're the new guests?" A female voice with a slight foreign accent spoke.

Mark turned around to find a woman in opulent attire and a neat bun from black spiral curls. She had a lovely bronze complexion. In her hand was an odd board carrying a candle on it. He couldn't speak, but only made weird groaning and blabbering noises as he attempted to speak to her.

"Are you all right, sir?" She asked.

"Oh, that's one of my buddies, Mark." Jack chimed in. "Name's Jack and this is Felix."

"Hi, nice lady!" Felix said.

"I'm Josephine." The woman introduced herself. "It's nice to meet you three. I'll escort you three to your rooms."

"Great, thanks!" Jack said, happily.

"Hrglblrblsh...!" Mark said as he tried talking to her.

The room had three beds, and had modest comforts.

"Thank you guys." Felix said. "We would have been dead if the cranky knight lady didn't take us along."

"Cranky knight lady?" Josephine asked, puzzled. "Oh, you're referring to Cassandra. Once you get to know her, she'll soften up a bit. She's not so bad."

"Flgrlmstch...!" Mark garbled out.

Josephine giggled a bit as Mark garbled in an attempt to speak to her.

"I hope your stay here will be pleasant." Josephine said.

"Have a nice night, miss." Jack said.

"Blb..." Mark garbled.

"It's okay Mark, we know you like her." Felix teased him.

"WTF no!" Mark shrieked, trying to hide his blush.

"Markimoo and Josie, sittin' in a tree!" Jack started.

"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!" Felix chimed in.

"Fruck no!" Markiplier said. "I don't like her that way! Stahp!"

He hurls a pillow at Jack.

"Oh, that is it!" Jack responded as he threw a mattress at Mark.

"MATTRESS FIGHT!" Mark screamed.

"BRING IT, BITCH!" Felix screamed as he joined in.

The room was destroyed and the three were out like a light. Cassandra silently scowled, shaking her head.

"The fate of Thedas falls in the hands of these idiots..." She uttered as she walked away.


End file.
